When I discovered Marc Maron’s podcast years ago, I was entranced by the way he coaxed real conversations out of comedians and other entertainers. The secret to Maron’s interviews is that he fearlessly puts what’s raw in his own heart out there, and the guests have no choice but to go deep with him.

Here’s what's amazing about sharing what’s raw in our hearts: it exposes the stories that we tell ourselves to make sense of our lives, and often, we see how those stories are wrong.

I’m reticent to write personally about self-hatred, because part of me fears that if I admit that self-hatred arises in me, then people will think I’m a spiritual failure and discredit anything I say. This is inconvenient, because as a friend of mine recently reminded me, openly talking about self-hatred (in an appropriate setting) is one of the best ways to diffuse its power. Also, how can we have a meaningful conversation about something too shameful to admit? 

I’ve spent over a decade wholeheartedly practicing ways of freeing myself from the grip of self-hatred, and the following are some of the most useful insights and practices gleaned from that ongoing exploration. May it be of benefit. 

There’s a story that’s nearly foundational in Western meditation circles about self-hatred: His Holiness the Dalai Lama was talking with a room full of Westerners (meditators on retreat, scientists and meditation teachers, depending upon the telling), and one person hazards asking His Holiness about self-hatred. I’ve heard many versions of the Dalai Lama self-hatred question and answer, and recent experiences have caused me to completely rethink my perception of it.