I’m reticent to write personally about self-hatred, because part of me fears that if I admit that self-hatred arises in me, then people will think I’m a spiritual failure and discredit anything I say. This is inconvenient, because as a friend of mine recently reminded me, openly talking about self-hatred (in an appropriate setting) is one of the best ways to diffuse its power. Also, how can we have a meaningful conversation about something too shameful to admit? 

I’ve spent over a decade wholeheartedly practicing ways of freeing myself from the grip of self-hatred, and the following are some of the most useful insights and practices gleaned from that ongoing exploration. May it be of benefit. 

There’s a story that’s nearly foundational in Western meditation circles about self-hatred: His Holiness the Dalai Lama was talking with a room full of Westerners (meditators on retreat, scientists and meditation teachers, depending upon the telling), and one person hazards asking His Holiness about self-hatred. I’ve heard many versions of the Dalai Lama self-hatred question and answer, and recent experiences have caused me to completely rethink my perception of it. 

This is my love letter to silent meditation retreat, and a glimpse of why I devote so much time to quietly exploring internal frontiers.